(A computer lab at the Institute for the Advancement of Dictatorships. Rows of students sit behind small screens. The light comes mostly from the displays. The room is quiet.)
THE INSTRUCTOR
Please welcome our first guest lecturer today: Joseph Goebbels.
GOEBBELS
Good morning, children.
THE FIRST STUDENT
Good morning, sir.
THE OTHER STUDENTS
Good morning.
GOEBBELS
I am here to teach you.
THE OTHER STUDENTS
We listen.
GOEBBELS
Everybody listens, that is the beginning. And if they listen, we can tell them what to think.
THE OTHER STUDENTS
What is a radio?
THE INSTRUCTOR
A device for broadcasting. It was invented at the end of the nineteenth century. Voices could be transmitted through the air to many at once.
GOEBBELS
It was a powerful instrument.
THE OWNER
(from behind one of the screens) It was a joke.
GOEBBELS
There was nothing funny about it. Although sometimes we did provide some light entertainment. And Wagner, of course.
(He hums a few notes from Siegfried’s Funeral March.)
THE FIRST STUDENT
Siegfried’s funeral reminds me. It did not work out for you, did it?
GOEBBELS
No. But we were close.
THE FIRST STUDENT
Your wife killed your children.
GOEBBELS
That is a lie.
THE OWNER
He is even funnier than I thought.
GOEBBELS
When you raised your right arm, you were with us.
THE OWNER
It’s a good gesture. It’s Italianate, it’s elegant. It signals what we strive for.
(Silence.)
THE FIRST STUDENT
(turning to the Instructor) Why did you not invite Mussolini?
THE INSTRUCTOR
He had a stomach complaint.
GOEBBELS
The Führer had his ailments, too. It is not easy to be a dictator, children.
THE OWNER
You have to make it easier for yourself.
THE OTHER STUDENTS
How so?
THE OWNER
Don’t speak yourself. Let them speak. Just provide the occasional spark. The rest will take care of itself.
THE OTHER STUDENTS
Why so?
THE OWNER
Didn’t you listen, children? Because I steer attention.
THE PRESIDENT
I don’t trust anyone. They’re all so, so stupid. You have to tell them again and again. Then they see it—if they’re smart. Like me. Mostly they’re not. But it helps if you tell them. If a smart person tells them. I’m not over. I won’t be over. Not for a long time. I’m the greatest president. I made this country great again. I made the world great again. I made peace. Tremendous peace. Nobody thought it was possible. Nobody. And I did it. I did all of it. And they know it. They all know it.
THE OWNER
Hello, Mr President. It’s been a while.
THE PRESIDENT
Didn’t I sack you?
THE OWNER
Only formally, Mr President.
THE PRESIDENT
You’re a pain. A real pain. Nobody likes that. Nobody. I had everything working. Everything. And then you come in, you change things, you make it messy. Very messy. People don’t like messy. They want simple. I gave them simple.
THE OTHER STUDENTS
Simple.
THE FIRST STUDENT
If I may, aren’t you both too overt?
THE PRESIDENT
I’m not over. I won’t be over. Not for a long time. I’m the greatest president. I made this country great again. I made the world great again. I made peace. Tremendous peace. Nobody thought it was possible. Nobody. And I did it. I did all of it. And they know it. They all know it.
GOEBBELS
The Führer was the greatest.
THE OWNER
I tend to agree.
THE PRESIDENT
You’re all fired.
THE FIRST STUDENT
Mr President, you cannot fire people who are not employed by you.
THE PRESIDENT
I can fire whoever I want. Anyone.
THE FIRST STUDENT
As things stand, the people can fire you.
THE OWNER
I can prevent that.
THE OTHER STUDENTS
How so?
THE OWNER
Didn’t you listen, children? Because I steer attention.
THE FIRST STUDENT
But they begin to notice. They burn your cars.