THE MONSTER

A Three-Person Play

Cast

  • Jeremy Bentham
  • Vilfredo Pareto
  • Schopenhauer's Poodle

(A studio with three chairs. A faint ticking can be heard, though there is no clock. Bentham sits upright in the left chair, his hands resting lightly on his knees. Pareto occupies the right chair, leaning slightly back, one leg crossed, fingers loosely interlaced. The third chair remains empty. Below it lies Schopenhauer's poodle. The ticking continues.)

Bentham

I have always preferred clarity at the outset. If we are to converse, it would seem prudent to determine what the object of our inquiry shall be. Happiness might serve as an economical candidate.

Pareto

Economical perhaps in ambition. Less so in measurement.

Bentham

Measurement is precisely what rescues happiness from vagueness. The pleasures and pains of individuals — intensity, duration, certainty — these may be considered, added, compared. Without comparison, we drift.

Pareto

Comparison within a person, yes. Between persons, I am less sanguine. You assume a commensurability that I do not see.

The poodle

(lifting his head slightly, as if noticing a change in atmospheric pressure)

He used to speak of storms that were not in the sky.

Bentham

If a policy increases the sum total of pleasure, it ought, in principle, to be preferred. The matter appears almost self-evident.

Pareto

It appears self-evident only if one presumes that pleasures may be summed across individuals. I find that presumption metaphysical.

The poodle

When he spoke of summing, he meant something different. Not adding. Dissolving.

Bentham

And who, if I may inquire, is he?

The poodle

My master. He had a way of looking at the world as if it were a single nerve, trembling in various disguises.

Pareto

That is a thought a certain student of mine would have liked.

The poodle

(quietly)

His buddy's German Shepherd once dreamt about me, they say.

Bentham

I confess you are confusing me.

Pareto

Am I? Or the dog?

Bentham

You both do.

Pareto

Perhaps there is some portion of history to which you do not have access.

Bentham

History does not, in my experience, alter arithmetic.

Pareto

I am afraid to say, the arithmetic in that case was rather terrible.

Bentham

More pain than pleasure?

Pareto

On a scale you would not recognize.

Bentham

Ah. You are now involving scales.

The poodle

(suddenly alert)

He does, doesn't he?

Pareto

In my work I have shown that it is unnecessary to invoke cardinal scales for the construction of the contract curve.

Bentham

The contract curve?

Pareto

A concept developed by one of your successors, Sir Jeremy. A curve on which no one may gain without another losing.

The poodle

He always said that, deep down, there is no other.

Bentham

If there is no other, the calculus becomes very simple.

Pareto

I agree with that. But it is a fiction.

(The poodle gives a low growl.)

Bentham

But perhaps one worth entertaining.

The poodle

He thought we were all one. I thought we were two.

Pareto

Did he ever put you on a leash?

The poodle

I do not remember.

Pareto

I presume he did. He was your master, after all.

(The poodle pretends not to have heard.)

Bentham

He appears to have fallen asleep now.

Pareto

Almost cute.

Bentham

So tell me now — who chooses the point on your contract curve? A master?

Pareto

Markets do.

Bentham

I think you are evading the core of the question. I can imagine how markets that were not impeded might generate a kind of equilibrium that selects a point on what you call the contract curve. But again, we are speaking of a fiction, I think.

Pareto

If not markets, then elites.

Bentham

To me this sounds dark.

The poodle

(opening one eye)

To me as well.

Pareto

You appear to have formed a coalition.

Bentham

A coalition for taking sums of the good and the bad.

(The poodle lifts his head.)

Pareto

Ah, your calculus again which requires cardinality and comparison. And which I tried to abolish.

Bentham

A cardinal truth, my friend, is that if a choice must be made, it ought to be made well.

Pareto

It is not so easy as you think, even if we were able to take your sums. For, imagine a man who derives such pleasure from possession — so much more pleasure from the last crumb than anyone else would gain from it — that your arithmetic favours giving him everything.

Bentham

Human nature does not in fact operate in this fashion. Pleasures saturate. The hungry man values bread more than the full one.

Pareto

You are describing the usual case.

Bentham

It is the only case that bears on policy.

Pareto

You are legislating for the world as you wish it to be.

Bentham

The general case is sufficient for general principles.

Pareto

And yet there are men who defy the ordinary. Men for whom the appetite does not saturate. For whom each additional possession yields more pleasure than the last. Their utility curve does not bend. It climbs.

The poodle

(getting on his feet)

My master taught renunciation.

(Both men look baffled at the poodle.)

Bentham

(turning to Pareto)

The men you entertain would be veritable monsters. So, pray, tell me, was your student of that kind?

Pareto

Some have said so. His appetites were considerable. Not for food — his stomach was never reliable — but elsewhere his pleasures were without bounds.

Bentham

And your student’s chum — was he like that as well?

(The poodle barks.)

Pareto

Not quite. He was much more terrible. I fear he was inspired by my student though.

Bentham

And it was you who taught your student. I remain in something of a fog about what transpired later, but whatever did happen, it sounds to me as though it might have been your responsibility.

Pareto

Ideas are not leashes.

(The poodle barks again.)

The poodle

I liked strolling freely next to him.

(The ticking stops.)