The Board Meeting
A Play
Cast
The Director  ·  The Banker  ·  The Jurist
The New Student  ·  The Caretaker

(The Director’s office at the Institute for the Advancement of Dictatorships. To the right, a large table. On its left side sit the Director and the Jurist. On its right side sit the New Student, facing the Director, and the Banker. The chair at the head of the table is unoccupied.)

The Director

Thank you all for making time today. It’s quite an anniversary — our twenty-fifth annual board meeting.

(A beat.)

The Director

Please welcome our new student representative.

The New Student

Hello.

The Director

He has just joined the institute but was elected with an overwhelming majority.

The Banker

Congratulations.

The Director

Let me explain the rules. I am just administering this meeting without any voting rights. The three of you have one vote each. The fourth vote is for the chairperson. In case of any ties, the chairperson decides.

(A beat.)

The Director

There is one more important thing.

(The Director looks into the New Student’s eyes.)

The Director

These board meetings are guarded by utmost confidentiality. Under no circumstances must you ever divulge anything about this meeting.

(A beat.)

The Director

This includes details about who is part of our board.

The New Student

Understood.

The Director

Violations are punishable by —

The Jurist

Death.

The New Student

Understood.

(A door opens. The Caretaker enters.)

(The Caretaker walks to the table and takes the seat at its head.)

The Caretaker

So good seeing you all again.

(A beat.)

The Caretaker

(looking at the New Student)

And so good to see you here.

The New Student

Thank you, ma’am.

The Caretaker

Shall we move to the Director’s report.

The Director

The last year has been marred by an attack on our institute, as you all know. The culprits were apprehended and taken care of. As always, our gratitude is to the Swiss authorities.

The Jurist

It’s a good host country agreement we have in place.

The Caretaker

That you drafted so splendidly.

The Director

Second, our student body is in very good shape. Although there have been some issues with one of them who we had to reprimand. But that appears to be under control now. He’s actually very talented.

The Caretaker

I think he’s the best we have seen in years.

The Director

Third, we went on a number of field trips. To Rome, to Cairo, to Chongqing, to Pyongyang. As always, we had excellent hosts.

The New Student

And to Gaza City.

The Director

Yes. And to Gaza City, where we had the best host of them all.

The Banker

Our good friend.

The Caretaker

They mistake restraint for weakness.

The Banker

They are our best allies.

The Caretaker

Financially.

The Director

Which leads me to my last point. Finances are in good order. But we might want to consider the remuneration packages for staff.

The Caretaker

You mean for yourself?

The Director

For the cleaners, the cooks, and for the Instructor.

The Banker

Finances are indeed excellent. I checked all the books and the account keeping is perfect. And yes, I guess we would be able to afford a raise for the cleaners, the cooks, and the Instructor.

The Caretaker

What would you propose?

The Banker

Six point five percent.

The Director

And for me?

The Banker

One point one.

The Caretaker

Shall we have a full vote on this. Who is in favour?

(The Director, the Caretaker, the Banker, the Jurist, and the New Student raise their hands.)

The Caretaker

Unanimously agreed.

(A beat.)

The Caretaker

Shall we move to miscellaneous?

(The Jurist raises his hand.)

The Caretaker

Yes.

The Jurist

I think we need to strengthen our ties to South America. It is a continent that has been on the verge for over half a century. We need to get a tighter grip on it. My friends stand ready.

The Caretaker

Your friends from the thirties?

The Jurist

Very good friends. Made a century ago.

The New Student

Nazis?

The Jurist

The men I knew in those years were not united by party membership. They were united by an understanding that liberal orders dissolve when nobody is willing to decide.

The New Student

(quietly)

Nazis then …

The Caretaker

Thank you. And yes, let’s organize a field trip next year to South America.

(A beat.)

The Caretaker

(looking at the Banker)

And you can see whether there are also untapped sources of finance there for us.

The Banker

I shall. I have some ideas already.

The Caretaker

Amazing.

steffen huck