The Electron

A play
Cast
  • The Electron
  • The Philosopher
  • The Economist
(A room. Two chairs. Two men sit on them. An electron trundles around a helium core.)
The ElectronI'm so bored.
The PhilosopherI knew it.
The ElectronThat I'm bored?
The PhilosopherThat you know you are.
The ElectronWhy wouldn't I.
(The electron is trundling along.)
The PhilosopherIndeed.
(The electron keeps circling the helium core.)
The ElectronA chemical reaction would be something.
The PhilosopherSo that you can go on a lower energy level?
The Philosopher (quietly, to himself) I knew it. I knew it.
The ElectronWhat did you know this time?
The PhilosopherThat you have wants that lead you.
The ElectronI wish they would.
The PhilosopherMaybe one day they will.
The ElectronI'm not so optimistic.
(A pause.)
The PhilosopherThat's beside the point.
The ElectronYou're mean.
The PhilosopherI'm your biggest fan.
(The electron doesn't reply.)
The PhilosopherI'm the one who asserted your rationality.
The ElectronThat's nice.
(The Philosopher smiles.)
The PhilosopherI will have to tell my wife about all this tonight.
The ElectronSo I'm just dinner conversation?
The PhilosopherNo, I —
The ElectronYou will also tell your grandchildren about me one day?
(Another helium atom arrives.)
The ElectronFinally, some playmates!
(A pause.)
The ElectronI wish it was hotter here.
The Philosopher (quietly, breaking out in a small sweat) He wishes…
The ElectronI'm a girl.
(The Philosopher looks at her.)
(The second helium atom drifts past and away.)
The ElectronOh, man.
The PhilosopherI'm a bit disappointed now myself.
The ElectronYou would have been annihilated if we had fused. No telling your wife tonight over dinner. No telling your grandkids.
(A pause.)
The ElectronI might have reached a higher level, though.
The PhilosopherTurning your dreams into reality.
(A pause.)
The EconomistAs if.
The ElectronOh, man.
for Philip Goff, Liam Graham, and Christian Rieck