The Roommate
A Play in Three Scenes
Cast
The First Student
The New Student
Napoleon
Scene One
(A small room under the eaves of the Institute for the Advancement of Dictatorships. Two narrow beds, a desk, a chair. A low window looks out toward the mountains. It is evening. The First Student sits at the desk, a book open in front of him.)
(A knock on the door. The First Student turns.)
The First Student
Come in.
(The door opens. A student enters.)
The First Student
Good evening. Who are you?
The New Student
I am a new student.
The First Student
Welcome. Why don't you have a seat?
(The New Student sits on the unused bed and sets a small bag at their feet.)
The New Student
The Director told me I would be sharing this room with you.
The First Student
That will be a change. But I trust a good one. Welcome again.
The New Student
My mother sent me to this institute.
The First Student
Is she a dictator?
The New Student
No, she is the democratically elected head of state of our country.
The First Student
Good for her. But why are you here then?
The New Student
She has certain plans for the future. I think.
The First Student
Has she started on the courts yet?
The New Student
She has indeed. Since last week, we have a new chief justice.
The First Student
A good first step.
The New Student
Maybe so.
The First Student
Ha. I can see why she sent you here.
The New Student
Tell me something about this place.
The First Student
It is a learning place.
The New Student
I figured that. I guess it is what it says on the tin.
The First Student
Very much so. It's all quite entertaining.
(A pause.)
The First Student
Always.
The New Student
I shall be looking forward to my time here. And you seem to be nice, anyway.
The First Student
I can be.
The New Student
I imagine you don't show everyone your worst side straight away.
The First Student
No. I shall be looking forward to finding out about yours, though.
The New Student
You are funny. Mind if I unpack?
The First Student
Go ahead. There is an entirely empty cupboard.
(He gestures toward it.)
Scene Two
(The same room. Past midnight. The room is dark. The New Student turns in their bed. The First Student opens his eyes.)
The First Student
Can't sleep?
The First Student
First nights in new places are always difficult.
The New Student
They are. And to be honest, I am a little scared.
The First Student
I understand. But you can relax. This is a safe place.
The New Student
Sorry for having woken you up.
The New Student
You were snoring.
The First Student
I certainly was not.
The New Student
I think you might have a light cold.
The First Student
I have felt a little under the weather all day. So I might have, mightn't I.
The New Student
You sounded like my granddad.
The First Student
Your mother's father?
The New Student
Yes. He was a cobbler.
The First Student
My grandfather on my mother's side was a gravedigger.
The New Student
For real?
The First Student
For real.
The New Student
What do your parents do?
The First Student
My father teaches mathematics. My mother stays at home.
The New Student
At a university?
The First Student
He wished.
(A pause.)
The First Student
He might have. Under better circumstances, things could have been different.
(Another pause.)
The New Student
How come you are here then?
The First Student
Our parish priest nominated me for a scholarship here.
The New Student
He must be one well connected priest.
The First Student
He must be. I had no idea, though, that he was.
The New Student
Shall we try to sleep again?
Scene Three
(The same room. Three in the morning. The First Student is snoring. The New Student wakes.)
(The New Student slips out of bed, tiptoes to the door and steps into the corridor.)
(The New Student moves along the corridor toward the bathroom. At the far end, just before the door, a man in a white nightshirt rounds the corner.)
Napoleon
You also have to take a pee?
The New Student
I do. But please go ahead.
Napoleon
That is kind of you. But you look like a young person with a small bladder.
The New Student
I can keep it in for a while. Please, after you.
Napoleon
You were first at the door.
The New Student
I was. But I was also taught manners.
Napoleon
And yet you are here.
(The standoff continues.)
Napoleon
I used to have a large bladder. And I never needed much sleep. These days, however… The prostate…
The New Student
Please do go then.
Napoleon
I shall. After you.
(Neither moves.)
Napoleon
Very well. While we are both waiting, why don't you introduce yourself?
The New Student
I am a new student. And who are you?
Napoleon
I am a resident here.
The New Student
Permanently?
Napoleon
It appears so. But I miss Betsy.
The New Student
Who doesn't.
(Napoleon disappears into the bathroom. The New Student stands alone in the corridor.)